Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Most important relationship in family's life is with internet router

A FAMILY of four have confirmed they cherish every moment they spend with their high-speed wireless router.

The Johnsons have had the router for six months after upgrading their broadband to superfast fibre optic and credit it with holding them together.

Mum Francesca Johnson said: “Forget sitting down to eat every evening or being able to share your feelings: high quality wifi is the foundation of a happy family life.

“What matters most to us is that we can all be on our devices at the same time while enjoying a fast and uninterrupted connection. It’s either that or we’ll kill one another.

“Like any relationship, it takes patience to get through the hard times with a router. If it starts playing up, I take a deep breath and press reset, which is actually much easier than dealing with the children when they’re being twats.”

Husband Martin Johnson said: “That router knows everything about me, from my spiralling gambling debts online to my many chats with hot women in my area, and I have never felt any judgment. I love it deeply.”