NASA to send silverback gorillas into space

AMERICA’S new series of space missions will be manned by silverback gorillas.

NASA has not launched a manned vehicle since 2011 and officials believe a gorilla mission is a low risk way of getting the space programme back on track.

NASA administrator Charles Bolden said: “They can be quite timid.

“But, of course, they can also be quite volatile.”

He added: “Russia has been sending geckos into space so we think we can definitely ‘one-up’ them this time.

“We think the silverbacks will be able to do more due to the fact that they have fingers and thumbs and geckos don’t.

’But this is all depends, very much, on whether we can actually get them into the spaceship.”

 

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OKCupid profile clearly copied from LinkedIn

SINGLETON Tom Booker has filled in his online dating profile with information about his professional skills and employment history.

Education history sets her ovaries on fire

34-year-old IT worker Booker hopes to woo potential partners with a comprehensive overview of his qualifications and experience.

Booker said: “After I was made redundant from my previous relationship, my friends all told me to put myself in the marketplace.

“But it’s hard meeting women on company away days or in board meetings, so I decided to try OKCupid, to leverage my core competences in untapped personnel streams.

“I think any possible lover would be interested in the time I spearheaded a company-wide IT upgrade on time and under budget.

“Plus I have multiple endorsements for leadership, blue sky thinking, and cunnilingus.”

Joanna Kramer, a fellow OKCupid user, said: “He’s put his A-Levels on here, and his list of things he could never do without includes ‘the will to succeed in the challenging world of systems analytics’.

“I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt until he said he wanted to drill down on my swim lane all night long.”