Neil Armstrong’s death ‘faked’

CONSPIRACY theorists have poured scorn on the announcement of Neil Armstrong’s death, citing a lack of hard evidence.

Yeah right

Internet conspiracists are suspicious that no photographs of Armstrong’s body have been published, and believe the death is a publicity stunt to revive interest in the ‘so-called moon landings’.

Nathan Muir, of the moon landing denial group Apollo Zero, said: “Tom Hanks hasn’t made a movie in a while, interest in the whole astronaut fantasy is sagging – so all of a sudden, Neil Armstrong ‘dies’. How very convenient.

“I’ve sent an email to NASA asking for a peek in the coffin and they haven’t even replied. It’s Area 51 all over again.”

Conspiracy enthusiast Tom Booker said: “So now it’s boo hoo, what a shame it is we don’t go to the moon any more.

“And before you know it they’ll have built another papier mache rocket in Houston and hired a couple of thousand extras successfully sworn to secrecy to pose as scientists, mechanics, crew, spectators and astronauts.”

“They already did it once, and then five more times.

“Furthermore, there have been a spate of sightings of the ex-astronaut since the weekend, with dozens of reports from the Florida area of a man in his 80s matching Armstrong’s ‘bald, old-looking’ appearance, wandering around in perfect health.

“It’s so obvious why they’re doing it, too – to distract us from the fact that Cheerios breakfast cereal is actually tiny homing devices that sit in your stomach sending messages to the government.

“I bet Armstrong’s sitting in some East Coast golfing resort with John F Kennedy right now, laughing it up. What, the assassination?

“Come on, that was Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe in a black wig in the back of that car, Jack Lemmon as Oswald, with Billy Wilder directing from the grassy knoll.”