New survey confirms existence of sex

SEX, it has been confirmed.

A new nationwide survey has found that sex exists, and that people are having sex in sexual ways.

Sex analyst Dr Susan Traherne said: “Sex.”

The scientific research has prompted calls for more photographs of people pretending to have sex.

Sex fan Wayne Hayes said: “It’s good to know that sex is going on. I like sex. My partner and I do it, I’m like ‘uh uh’ and she’s going ‘yeah’.”

Hayes’s sex partner Mary Fisher said: “We have a box full of sex toys, just for sex. It’s called our ‘sex box’.

“We are uninhibited.”

Dr Traherne said: “Our study found that one of the most popular ways of initiating sex is for two people to take all their clothes off, including their pants, so that they are naked all over.”

She added: “Why not have sex today?”