No one who uses 'tears of joy' emoji worth knowing

ANYONE who uses the ‘tears of joy’ emoji is not worth your time or attention, experts have confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found the emoticon is exclusively used by simpletons, sarcastic morons and people who post things on the internet for the sake of it.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Just look at its stupid chuckling face. If you use it in any form of communication, either ironically or not, you don’t deserve to draw breath.

“Traditionally this little yellow fool has been a favourite with passive-aggressive mums on WhatsApp and middle-aged blokes with Union Jacks in their Twitter bios. Do you really want to be like them?

“It’s unlikely that they’re actually crying with laughter, as 80 per of its use is criticising someone who disagrees with them. 

“Maybe some really are hooting uncontrollably at a gif of a toddler looking confused. Who knows with these idiots? Cut them out of your life immediately.”

Tears of joy user Tom Booker texted ‘Tell us how you really feel mate!’, followed by the emoji 15 times, as if that was clever.

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Five fun ways to insult your partner on Valentine's Day

ARE you planning to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a totally selfish way? Here are some shitty things to inflict on your partner.

Take them somewhere only you want to go to

Keen to try the ‘all you can eat for £2.50’ deal at The Chicken ‘n’ Ribz Shack? Sit there ignoring your partner as you tear into piles of meat like a wolf covered in BBQ sauce. Or if you’re not into a meal, how about a romantic trip to the Imperial War Museum’s new exhibition about the Luftwaffe?

Your phone is more fun 

Obsessively check texts, work emails and Facebook throughout the evening, as is normal. Or blatantly try to reach level 112 of some crappy game called Ninja Fruit Monkey Castle.

Whine about other people’s Valentine’s Days

Even if your partner has made an effort, keep mentioning Penny and Steve who are having a much better luxury weekend in Venice – with a balloon trip. If your loved one doesn’t tell you to shut the f**k up about your overpaid yuppie twat friends, they’re a ‘keeper’. 

Combine Valentine’s Day with your weekly shop 

Be super-efficient by going for a quick meal then dragging your partner round Asda to do your weekly shop while it’s nice and quiet. Then it’s back to yours for an evening of putting away tins and oven chips before going straight to sleep, happy in the knowledge that you’ve got some more Toilet Duck.

Just get p*ssed

If you’re not into Valentine’s Day, relieve the tedium by getting utterly wankered in the restaurant. Nothing says ‘romance’ like drunkenly arguing with a cab driver and having several abortive attempts at sex before passing out and pissing the bed.