People who make sickening declarations of love online told to f**k off

PEOPLE who put nauseating statements about their partners on Instagram and Facebook have been told to desist.

Britons have had enough of over-the-top romantic messages full of pukey guff like ‘Heaven sent me a special angel called Becky’ and ‘Niall is my lover, my poet, my warrior’.

Martin Bishop said: “I put a picture of my partner Sarah on Instagram and said how lucky I am to be with this amazing lady who is my sexy, creative, gorgeous wife.

“But when I showed it to my friend Wayne he just said ‘Christ, mate, I nearly barfed on the cat’. Why can’t he share my joy?”

Friend Wayne Hayes said: “Martin’s managing to both show off about his hot wife and seem like a lovely, affectionate guy. The devious bastard’s really got the options covered.

“Well he can take his ‘magical goddess’ and stick her up his arse. Put it in a fucking card, mate.”

A Facebook spokesperson said: “We are taking steps to remove posts containing icky bullshit like ‘Pete is my hunky hero made of sunshine!’, particularly if they contain the word ‘blessed’.”