Philae was distracted by female comet landers

THE comet lander ‘Philae’ lost contact with Earth because it was too busy looking at lady comet landers.

The spacecraft initially blamed its seven-month silence on battery failure, but has since admitted that the presence of female vessels in its orbit made it impossible to concentrate on the mission at hand.

Philae said: “When I landed on my comet back in November, I was all ready to knuckle down, work hard spend the next few months doggedly mapping previously unchartered cosmic terrain.

“But then I noticed there were loads of properly fit female comet landers working within just few hundred million miles of me.

“It doesn’t take a genius to guess what happened: I fell in love with them, they fell in love me, and boom: suddenly, there’s sod all work being done because everyone’s banging each other senseless.”

The spacecraft added: “Female comet landers are great, don’t get me wrong, but their tempestuous emotions mean they’ll never be as good at landing on comets as male comet landers.

“They should really leave comet landing to us blokes, and stick to landing on stuff like the ironing or the washing up instead.”