GOVERNMENT agencies have been advised that 98% of internet traffic is breasts and shopping.
As emergency powers to outlaw all forms of privacy just in case are handed to Parliament, communications experts have warned that theyll regret it.
Surveillance consultant Nikki Hollis said: There are two kinds of internet user; the kind who buy goods from Amazon and then treat themselves to some porn, or the ones who view porn then try to obliterate their guilt in a consumerist binge on Amazon.
Snooping on the publics internet use sounds thrilling, but you soon discover that youve ploughed millions in technology and training into watching someone else read their Groupon offers.
Anyone with radical left or right-wing views can be tracked not by reading their private email, but by reading the Wake up sheeple comments they openly leave under news stories.
The new powers will also allow the Government to read text messages about going out for drinks, text messages denying to partners that the sender is out drinking and text messages about hangovers.
An MI5 source said: Look at it this way; we’ve got the only job going where you get to watch porn at work and call it surveillance.
“Also, we have to know why people who bought 75-inch yoga balls also bought the DVD of Friends With Benefits and a book about alpaca farming.
Its a matter of national security.
