NOBEL Prizes are being given out, but do not impress Britain’s many idiots who believe anything they fail to understand is simple. Wayne Hayes explains why they’re bollocks:
The Nobel Prize for Physiology and Medicine
This year some egghead won it for ‘immune tolerance’ research. Looking for the next lucrative scam after Covid, aren’t they? When it comes to medicine, you need to do your own research. I’d suggest you start at www.thegreatcovidhoax.com. It’s totally legit because the guy running the site cured his Covid with pencil shavings and Play-Doh.
The Nobel Prize for Physics
Apparently made a quantum computer, or whatever. The games were just as addictive on a ZX Spectrum. People go on about how confusing quantum mechanics is, but all it means is there’s really tiny particles and in other universes, dinosaurs are in charge. What’s hard to understand about that? I’d vote for a dinosaur if he had the right policies on tax.
The Nobel Prize for Literature
How difficult is it to write a book? Think of a story then put in a load of flowery language. Look: ‘The fields was burnished all beautiful green the colour of lovely traffic lights. “I wish I wasn’t fighting in World War One tomorrow,” uttered Pete.’ Took me 20 seconds. Sure, a whole book is bigger, but it’s just a matter of putting the hours in, like knitting.
The Nobel Prize for Chemistry
Did it in school, it’s just dicking about with Bunsen burners. Thatcher invented soft-serve ice-cream and didn’t win it, which shows it’s political and a scam. Same with all these qualifications like PhDs – they sound impressive but you build up gradually from one to the next one, like Couch to 5K. Even that fat bastard Jeff next door managed that.
The Nobel Peace Prize
How can you have a prize for peace? If you win it for not starting wars, it could go to anyone: Amanda Holden, Alan Shearer, 1970s pianist Bobby Crush. None of them have standing armies. President Trump’s asked for it and be fair to him, he’s been in for nine months and not one invasion. Good lad.
The Nobel Prize for Economic Science
Economics is simple: spend less than you earn and you’ll be alright. My mate Gav f**ked up with his credit cards and I wouldn’t want that happening to Britain. That’s why we’ve got to stop spending on stuff that doesn’t make money, like benefits, and focus on stuff that does like the Strictly format. Do I deserve a Nobel Prize for that? Honestly, why not?
