Relief as dads take charge of UK’s cybersecurity

BRITAIN’S technologically challenged fathers believe they are dealing with the threat of more cyber-attacks.

Dads have been taking measures that are unlikely to protect against ransomware but do make them feel like the rugged hero of an exciting techno-thriller.

Nikki Hollis, 15, said: “Dad has put all our computers in the spare room with a homemade sign on the door saying ‘QUARANTINE ZONE – NO ENTRY!’.

“I explained it’s just old computers that are affected, but he said hackers are ‘probing our cyber-defences 24/7’.

“I asked if I could have my iPad back but apparently he’s still ‘monitoring the situation’. He makes it sound like he’s liaising with GCHQ but he’s actually just watching ITV News.”

Teenager Wayne Hayes said: “Dad downloaded all sorts of random anti-virus software onto the family computer that made it run so slowly it may as well have been fished out of a river.

“At one point he said ‘Shields up!’. Then the computer crashed and it took me three hours to uninstall all this shit.”