Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Remainers getting DNA-tested to prove they're not English

SALES of home DNA tests have spiked as Remainers desperately try to prove they are not in any way English. 

As their country spirals into becoming just one big Tory constituency, Remainers with no other options left are hoping to at least find that 20 per cent of their ancestry is untainted by Englishness.

35-year-old Nikki Hollis of Reading said: “My whole immediate family are definitely English, which is just mortifying.

“But I vaguely remember talk of a great aunt who was married to a Greek man, and there was definitely some sort of link to Ireland at some point. So I’ve got to give it a try.

“It’s cost me £199, but I’m desperately chasing any sort of non-white heritage to set me apart from all the barking Brexiters I work with. And, if possible, my dad.

“Ideally I’ll find something exotic but honestly I’d be happy with a bit of Welsh or Scottish at this point, just something to separate me from this damn country.”

Hollis added that she had no problem giving her DNA to a company building a private database and could see no possible nightmarish dystopian outcomes from doing so.