ADVANCES in food technology mean that pre-packed sandwiches can now retain their disappointingness for up to 14 days.
Until recently, ready-made sandwiches would degenerate from barely edible to inedible within a week.
Food scientist, Julian Cook, said: “This is a major breakthrough in food mediocrity.
“Whether cheap or expensive, sandwiches from refrigerators all taste like textured air. We fully accept that they’ll never be good in any way. But we can make them last longer.
“The process works in an almost supernatural way. Basically, we’ve identified an invisible aura which is the ‘life force’ or ‘soul’ of the sandwich and managed to suck it out.
“The result is a completely spiritually dead foodstuff, a ‘ghost sandwich’ if you like, that keeps for ages because it’s already a void.
“Look at these things, two flaccid white triangles with a thin layer of egg-influenced paste and the barest hint of a hand print. Exactly what people who are too lazy to put their own stuff between bread deserve.”
Long distance driver, Stephen Malley, said: “What gets me about pre-packed sandwiches is that however disappointing you expect them to be, they still manage to disappoint.
“There’s something almost beautiful about that.”