Sausages ‘kick the shit’ out of burgers

SAUSAGES are far better than burgers, experts have confirmed.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that although drab men who think they are discerning continue to bang on about burgers, they are shit compared to sausages.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Unlike burgers, which are all fundamentally the same, sausages come in a pleasing variety of flavours and do not have to be eaten stuffed into a massive bread roll.

“Modern fancy burgers are for self-conscious corporate drones who talk about ‘dirty food’ like they’re slumming it by not having some fancy tasting menu.

“Nobody puts sausages on a pedestal, but sausages don’t care because they have integrity. However if sausages were more ‘American’ everyone would be wanking off about them.”

He added: “You know ‘mac ’n’ cheese’? That’s actually just macaroni cheese. It’s not great, if you’re honest.”