SCIENTISTS will never be able to explain why all beards go slightly ginger when they reach a certain length, it has been confirmed.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “We were hoping that years of extensive research into the strawberry blonde beard enigma would provide us with a simple explanation, like maybe that humans actually originated in Scotland rather than Africa.
“But no one will ever fully understand the gradual gingerfication of stubble. It’s just one of those things we have to file under ‘unexplainable’, like poltergeists or why people buy new cars when they depreciate so quickly.”
Black-haired beard wearer Tom Logan said: “I’ve always been a believer in rationality and science. Now though I am considering turning to religion in the hope that an omniscient God can explain why I look like Vincent van Gogh from the nose down.”