Science mostly made up

MOST scientific discoveries are fabricated in order to get money and fame, a scientist has revealed.

Just squiggles

Just squiggles

Physicist Professor Julian Cook said he and fellow scientists invent all their findings in order to get grants and BBC2 series.

Professor Cook said: “Take that story about DNA evidence showing that early Homo sapiens went around having rampant sex with other species.

“There’s no way you could find that out just using a bunch of bones. Even Poirot couldn’t do that.

“So you just look at the bones and go ‘mm – shagging’. Suddenly you’re all over the newspapers and on telly, the money’s rolling in and you’ve got a wardrobe assistant asking you which blazer and jeans combo you want to wear on Jonathan Ross.

“Real science is incredibly boring, so it’s better to claim that a giant meteorite is heading for earth, or that killer robots are going to take over.

“There’s no way you’re going to meet Fiona Bruce if you’re just looking at microbes through one of those little desk telescopes.

Science historian Mary Fisher said: “Sir Isaac Newton made up gravity because he wanted to be famous but wasn’t any good at singing or acting.

“The world is actually fully of tiny sucking creatures that keep everything stuck to the floor, but you don’t want to know that because it’s rank.

She added: “Most human ‘knowledge’ is just a form of theatre. For example Brian Cox only has one GCSE in woodwork, his main credentials are memorable hair and a pleasant manner.”