Miliband ‘urged Co-op boss to buy more crack’

ED Miliband told former Co-op Bank chairman Paul Flowers to buy ‘as much crack cocaine as he could possibly afford’.

The Conservative Party last night said it was now clear that Flowers and the Labour leader had regular discussions about drug-fuelled, rent boy sex parties with Miliband ‘egging on’ the Co-op chief to ever greater levels of depravity.

It is claimed that in one email exchange Flowers, a Methodist minister, asks Miliband ‘how much crack you should buy if – let’s say – you were organising a sex event?’.

According to senior sources, Miliband replied: “When it comes to crack, you should always take your initial estimate and double it.

“And get plenty of meth, otherwise you’ll feel like you’re at a sex party with your parents.”

Flowers emailed: “Thank you so much Ed. I hope you know that even though the Co-op gives money to the Labour Party I didn’t expect you to give me crack advice. So this is really kind of you.”

Miliband then replied: “Don’t be silly. Have a great time with your male prostitutes.”

Conservative Party chairman, Grant Shapps, said: “This not only answers the vital question of ‘how much did Ed Miliband know?’, it also answers the obvious follow-up question of ‘how eagerly did Ed Miliband encourage rent boy crack orgies?’.”

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Co-op customers happy their bank is still different

CO-OP account holders have praised their bank for continuing to be very, very different indeed.

The bank, which set itself apart with a policy of ethical investment, is now immersed in a scandal allegedly involving crystal meth, rent boys and Methodism, which customers have praised as ‘counter-intuitive’ and ‘daring’.

Co-op account holder Martin Bishop said: “I can’t think of another bank which would have such a refreshing approach to disgracing itself beyond belief.

“The mainstream banks could, feasibly, have scandals involving rent boys and drugs, drugs and Methodism or Methodism and rent boys – but not all three at the same time.”

Customer Emma Bradford added: “RBS and HBoS were driven into the ground by people with years of banking experience. I’m proud that my bank chose to be led – and almost destroyed – by a Methodist minister.

“Even though it’s now been taken over by US hedge funds, I hope it continues to make me ashamed in a way that makes me proud.”