Scientists baffled by lifelong smoker who still can’t make decent rollie

SCIENTISTS are baffled by a man who has been smoking for over 40 years but still can’t make a roll-up that doesn’t look like a dog’s hind leg.

Martin Bishop of Stevenage made several attempts at a roll-up at the Institute for Studies, with each of them having to be torn open and re-rolled before they could be smoked.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When he told us he had been smoking Golden Virginia for over four decades we assumed he would be able to make a passable rollie.

Instead he seemed to make several small, bizarre works of modern art, none of which could ever realistically be smoked.

“It could be connected to the part of the brain that knows smoking is pretty disgusting and so is actually trying to self-sabotage the smoking process.”

However Martin Bishop said: “I’m a naturally confident guy, I don’t feel the need to impress friends and business contacts with perfect rollies. That’s for students and people with those idiotic rolling machines.

“I just scrunch some baccy into a wrinkled old paper, stick in my mouth and ignite it. Bliss.”