DADS have hailed a new waterproof clothing material that is utterly unsexy.
Researchers claim the coarse, drab new fabric is 68% less stylish than other waterproofed materials, making it perfect for ageing men who want utilitarian clothing that is utterly devoid of flair.
Textile scientist Emma Bradford said: “This dull material is a major breakthrough for short-tempered, practical older men who need to completely distance themselves from any notions of fashion or style.
“The thickness of the fabric makes it hard to cut, so all the garments end up shapeless. And the default colour is a sort of muddy, unsexual green.”
“We’ll probably call it Rainstop or Staydry, something unexciting like that.”
53-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “It look alright, if you like clothes, which I don’t.”