Monday, 10th May 2021

Scientists discover beer tastes 97 per cent better on a train

BEER tastes incredible if you drink it on a train, it has emerged.

Researchers from the Institute for Studies found that lager and ale purchased and consumed on a train tastes fucking amazing, even if it is just a wildly overpriced and slightly warm can of Tribute.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Train beers are the sweetest beers of all, although nobody knows why. The cans even make a different sound when you open them.

“I tried drinking a multipack can of Foster’s in my car. It was a completely unremarkable experience, as you might expect with a bog standard corporate beverage that might as well be called ‘generic beer’.

“However the same can, when drunk on a train, transforms into a sweet nectar of joy that might flow in lakes where Greek gods live.”

He added: “It’s like there’s something in the atmosphere of train carriages that has a chemical reaction with the beer and makes it delicious. Probably not though.”

Commuter Wayne Hayes said: “I have two beers on the train to work every morning, poured into Lucozade Sport bottles. And by Christ, they are divine.

“Before you judge me, I actually won the Teacher of the Year award last year.”