Friday, 4th December 2020

Woman's only winter cardio is pulling her tights up

A WOMAN has admitted that hoisting her sagging tights back up is her key workout for the winter months. 

Nikki Hollis of Leeds has given running, cycling and boot camp because of the cold, but believes she is maintaining her fitness by yanking her 80 denier tights back up to her crotch every six steps.

She said: “Hiking that gusset up every 90 seconds – minimum – is making my arms more toned than boxing ever did.

“Plus I frequently overadjust, give myself a wedgie and have to pull back down, which involves a semi-squat and is really working on my thighs.

“Add into that shivering, walking the long way around puddles and constantly getting up to turn up the thermostat and go to the fridge, and I’m actually outperforming my summer regime.

“And I’m so practiced now I can do it without anyone noticing. I think. That bloke on the bus did look at me funny.”

Hollis added: “I’m saving a fortune on gym membership. Oh shit, I forgot to leave the gym.”