Scientists Lose Giant Nothingness

SCIENTISTS who discovered a giant nothingness in the heart of the universe last night said they had lost it again after it “just vanished into thin air”.

If you see this please call an emergency scientist

Professor Ed Bickton, head of astronomy at Dundee University, said he had taken the enormous void home after discovering it because he “wanted to keep a close eye on it”.

He had kept it with him in the lounge until he went to bed at which point he had put the massive nullity on the side in the kitchen.

However, when he got up the next day for breakfast he discovered that the side was empty and that all of the nothing had completely disappeared.

Prof Bickton said: “At first I thought the cat might have got it and dragged it onto the floor, or into his basket. But after a good look round I realised it was nowhere to be seen.”

The professor said he had searched “high and low” for the nothing, which he described as a huge absence of something containing more emptiness and vacuity than East Kilbride and Milton Keynes combined.

He suspects the void may have been stolen by rival scientists who were annoyed at the fact he had found a nothing when all they could discover were somethings.

And he appealed to anyone in the area who had spotted someone acting suspiciously while carrying what did not appear to be anything to contact the police immediately.

Inspector Bill McKay of Dundee police said he had received reports that an enormous hole had appeared where Arbroath used to be. “My men are looking into it,” he said.