Thursday, 13th May 2021

Scientists pledge to deliver zombie apocalypse by March 29th

SCIENTISTS have vowed to work around the clock to bring about a zombie apocalypse by the end of March.

The experts have set themselves a strict deadline amid accusations that climate change or nuclear war seems more likely to kill everyone, rather than the far more interesting zombie hellscape.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "The people have instructed us to deliver one simple thing - reanimated corpses trying to eat their brains - and we must not let them down."

Stephen Malley, from Hatfield, said: “Stop pissing about with the Large Hadron Collider and sort it out.

"I don’t care about the details - a radiation experiment that goes wrong or a virus that gets leaked into the water supply - it doesn’t matter."

Malley added: "I’ve already bought the weapons and if there isn’t a zombie apocalypse soon my girlfriend is going to make me sell them all."