THE Sellafield nuclear plant has been closed so the reactor can be used to make a super-villain out of stolen Pope blood.
Experts said it was ‘no coincidence’ the plant was suddenly off limits just days after a vial of Pope John Paul II’s blood was stolen from a castle on top of a mountain.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “When I heard the Papal blood had been stolen I said to my wife, ‘next stop Sellafield – I wonder what excuse they’ll come up with’.
“A teaspoonful of the Pope blood will be combined with the nuclear reactions to create a diabolical megalomaniac who will stop at nothing. It’s really bad.”
Professor Brubaker added: “I warned the government about this, but they wouldn’t listen. I think they might be in on it.
“Michael Gove is probably inside the big ball thing at Sellafield, running his hands over the creature’s glistening torso and grinning like a psychopath.”
The professor said he would now have to create a superhero using one of Nelson Mandela’s eyelashes, a microwave and a hurricane.