Time running backwards


WORKERS have reported experiencing a reversal of time in the final hours before their Christmas break.

Unusual chronological phenomena including clocks running backwards, colleagues talking in very slow deep voices and dropped paperclips falling upwards have been reported across the UK.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The collective desperation of millions of people to get the fuck out of work appears to have reversed the trajectory of time.

“I’ve been looking at the clock every two minutes since I arrived this morning, and the big hand is slowly but surely going in reverse.

“This probably tells us something about the subjective nature of time and the power of the collective consciousness to influence it, but whatever I want to get in the pub like asap.

“Interestingly, people who have to work next Monday and Tuesday are not experiencing anything unusual. Just the same old hollow feeling.”

Office manager Tom Booker said: “I’ve been to the toilet twenty times this morning, just for something to do, yet time-wise I’ve apparently been here minus eight minutes.

“Maybe this hangover has damaged my cerebral cortex but I’m sure the skin on my hands is starting to look softer and younger.

“Oh God I might have to experience the office party all over again.”