Twitter cuts tweet length to one character

AS part of a major revamp, Twitter has reduced its maximum message length from 140 characters to a single consonant.

Executives at the social networking site believe users no longer care if their tweets are intelligible, as long as they are barking something into the cyber-void.

A Twitter spokesman said: “Our most influential users are really there just to maintain a profile. Saying something worthwhile, or even that is recognisably written in a specific language, is not a priority.

“Likewise many of our less influential users are barely literate and just want to toady up to famous people.

“Henceforth messages must be a single consonant – we’re excluded vowels so that people don’t try to subvert the system by, for example, constructing the word ‘famous’ from six separate tweets.

“We realised we were able to save a lot of server space with no loss to humanity. It’s also an interesting test of the limits of human narcissism.”

Shortly after the change Kim Kardashian, who has over 16 million followers, tweeted: “p”.

Four minutes later she tweeted: “q”.

Her boyfriend Kanye West re-tweeted the letter “q” and tweeted “t”.

The letter ‘t’ has since been retweeted 612 times.



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Romney 'repulsed' by people under six foot

MITT Romney’s presidential campaign suffered a blow today as footage emerged of him calling for the deportation of relatively short people.

The Republican made the off-the-cuff remarks during an official press conference, after misinterpreting a question about what he’d do to help the little people of America.

Romney said: “Look, I don’t trust shortasses. They move about too quick for you to see what they’re doing and they can hide under desks to do Christ knows what.

“That Snow White movie always creeped me out as a kid, imagine those tiny hands all over your face and hair like hungry crabs.

“Even today I won’t have anybody on my staff who can’t play a decent game of basketball.

“I tell you what, Texas is pretty empty, we should move them out there and really study them to see what they’re up to.”

Romney later admitted that his statement contained ‘a modicum of expressive inexactitude’, but stood by his policy of detaining the non-tall on the grounds that they contribute nothing to the economy and may be poisoning the water supply.

He promised to personally place ten of his eighteen grandchildren on a bus to Galveston with instructions not to return home until they have to duck to get through the front door.

Romney also acknowledged the effect his anti-short leanings would have on foreign policy, admitting that if he were to become president the US would sever all diplomatic ties with Japan.

Romney added: “I’m tall and I did good in life. I really can’t make it any simpler than that.”