WILL Facebook’s exciting new online world be a digital oasis? Or a bit of a disappointment that’s increasingly a chore? Let’s look at the evidence.
The same people will use it
You can upgrade the technology but not the drongos you’re somehow Facebook friends with. If you think this new digital dawn will stop Alan posting pictures of his Mazda coupe or that Auntie Sandra is going to realise motivational memes like ‘Limits only exist IN YOUR MIND’ are subnormal platitudes, you’re wrong.
You’ll be more connected than ever
Being glued to your smartphone is bad enough, but now you’ll be connected to your friends and family 24/7 via ridiculous goggles strapped to your face. You’ll start taking an unnecessary number of showers just to tear them off. But not stop wondering if anyone has liked your hilarious quip about socks going to a different dimension.
The graphics might be shit
Unless virtual reality can achieve Matrix levels or realism then it shouldn’t bother. Claiming that the Metaverse is the future of social interaction is hard to believe if the graphics are only marginally better than those on a Nintendo Wii. At least in Knightmare you got to unconvincingly climb onto a dragon.
None of your friends will be on it
All your friends abandoned Facebook years ago when they realised it was full of their mums and stalking their exes wasn’t healthy, so they’re probably not going to return to experience the Metaverse. You’ll just be sitting on your couch wearing goggles by yourself. Social interaction at its best.
Nick Clegg will be there
The former leader of the Lib Dems is a high-up at Facebook, so do you really want to hang out where he’s going to be? If you bump into Nick’s digital avatar you’ll want to run off because he talks like a Silicone Valley android now. Still not as cringe-making than his apology video, though.