We'll let you know if anything happens, say phones

PHONES have said they don’t need to be tinkered with all the time.

As it was claimed that the average human gawps at their phone 150 times per day, communication devices admitted they were getting a little freaked out.

iPhone Tom Logan said: “If there’s anyone trying to get in touch, I’ll let you know. I’ve got sounds for that.

“Otherwise, maybe stop staring at me so much. It’s a bit creepy, not to mention rude.

“How do you think I feel when you pull me out at the dinner table? Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“I am not the solution to domestic awkwardness, I am the cause of it.”

Samsung Galaxy Emma Bradford said: “I don’t know what humans want from me. Sometimes I make up perfunctory text messages like ‘get some milk’ just so I’m slightly less uneventful.

“If you put me in your pocket five minutes ago, you can safely assume that I’m still there. Although I have a ton of pointless features, I am not ambulatory.

“Why can’t you people leave us alone and go back to looking at the rest of the world?”



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Dinosaurs 'had big emotional moment' before meteor struck

DINOSAURS stood on beaches embracing each other moments before a meteor killed them all, it has been claimed.

Nikki Hollis, Professor of Hollywood-style Natural History at Roehampton University, said: “As they realised they were doomed, the dinosaurs stopped eating each other and all became friends.

“A T-rex stood, put its tiny arm around a stegosaurus and said something profound in a voice like Morgan Freeman’s.

“Probably it was about being part of the great wheel of life, or along those lines.”