Friday, 7th May 2021

Horrifically tedious WhatsApp group rises from the dead

A WHATSAPP group has come back from the dead, spreading fear and nausea among 17 people.

Members of the group chat believed it had been killed five months ago, until a speculative ‘Wassup bitches?’ was sent earlier today by admin Tom Logan.

Group member Nathan Muir said: “I was free and safe, then suddenly there it was again, with its profile picture of a woman’s arse in a thong.

“It was only ever meant to be about sorting out Jim’s stag do - and that nightmare was almost a year ago - but his arsehole cousin Tom has re-animated it like some dreary, oafish Frankenstein.”

Muir had opted to regularly mute the chat, avoiding Logan’s non-stop stream of 'banter' and YouTube videos of animals fighting, until it eventually stopped altogether, leading to a misplaced sense of safety.

Muir added: “I’d go completely off grid, but I know that, somehow, it will find me.”