Thursday, 13th May 2021

Woman who hasn't showered for a week disinfecting her phone

A WOMAN who last showered a week ago is carefully disinfecting her iPhone, she has confirmed. 

Eleanor Shaw has abandoned all personal hygiene but is deeply concerned about the cleanliness of her smartphone, which is filthy because she touches it.

Shaw said: “Coronavirus can survive on a phone’s surface for days, especially if you’re jabbing its smashed screen all the time with greasy fingers like me.

“That’s why I’m going to give my phone the spa treatment by scrubbing it down with antibacterial wipes. Then I’ll immediately hammer out a text with my contaminated digits.

“Until Apple releases a two-metre long stylus, I can’t think of a better solution.”

Partner Tom Booker said: “I’m glad Ellie’s taking better care of her phone. When she dropped it down the toilet she just popped it in a bowl of rice. But I’m fairly sure she ate the rice after.

“I don’t think she can catch coronavirus from her phone, because she’s not been anywhere. But she stinks.”