THEY harvest your data, sell it on and use your every click to advertise you stuff, all perfectly targeted. Until you f**k with them. Here’s how:
Pretend you live in America
Filling in your home town on your social media profile? Instead of putting Northampton put Miles City, Montana. Not only will it feel thrillingly transgressive, you’ll get ads for spray-on cheese, assault rifles, fanny packs and exhortations to vote Hiram C Wafflebacker III for circuit court judge.
Lie about your age
When asked for your date of birth, pick one in the 1940s. Being bombarded with products and emails for incontinence aids, stairlifts and funeral plans is a great reminder of your mortality and stops you wasting cash on Lego.
Watch YouTube videos you hate
Instead of watching the latest blockbuster, spend a weekend absorbed in videos you couldn’t give a shit about. Pick a video about injection pump air compressors or a tutorial about the Sicilian Defence in chess. Watch the algorithms struggle to cope by bombarding you with ads for inflatable chess erotica.
Say random words while Siri or Alexa is switched on
We’ve all had the experience of talking about a Shetland pony then suddenly getting shitloads of adverts for Shetland ponies. Mess with them by dropping words like ‘halberd’, ‘taramasalata’ and ‘corduroy parachute’ into conversation. Amazon will lose money trying to sell your date to the Halberd Marketing Board and corduroyparachutes.com.
Buy stuff you don’t want
Amazon knows exactly what people want based on their previous purchases. Undermine them and f**k over Jeff Bezos by buying stuff you don’t want then flogging it on eBay. Sure, it’ll cost you, but it’ll be worth it to piss those all-knowing algorithms off.