Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Your parents may have heard you say 'oh f**k, not them' on FaceTime

APPLE has emailed millions of customers to warn that their parents have heard them say ‘oh fuck, not them again’ over FaceTime.

A security flaw means that anyone calling over FaceTime heard anything you said before answering the call, including ‘fucking hell, it’s hard enough listening to them without having to stare at their stupid expressions’.

The email continued: “For this to happen the caller would need to have wrongly pressed the ‘group chat’ button, which is exactly the kind of thing your parents would do.

“This means that your mum and dad, who love you, have heard you say ‘shit, hide the bong,’ ‘don’t answer until I’ve shaved, I need to ask for money’ and ‘those arseholes again’.

“We regret this breach in customers’ personal security, but remind you that it was your idea that they buy an iPad in the first place because you were sick of fixing their PC.”

Nathan Muir, from Colchester, said: “But that doesn’t explain why my girlfriend, who’s in Australia right now, said ‘quick, hold this and lie down so your penis looks like a table lamp’ before answering yesterday.

“I’ve sent Apple an email.”