A TEENAGER has convinced his parents that a grade 1 is the equivalent to an A* in the updated GCSE marking scheme.
Jack Browne, aged 16, did no work for his GCSEs but has spent the last ten weeks schooling his mum and dad to believe that the lower a number is, the higher the grade.
He said: “Unfortunately I couldn’t work for my GCSEs, because of Fortnite. But I’ve had plenty of time to theorise how to avoid a bollocking and doing resits.
“Confidence is key. And reversing the grading, coupled with me looking thrilled and punching the air when I open them, means my parents will have no reason to suspect my grades are actually total shit.
“I told them number grades are like golf scores, the lower the better. Today I’ll feign being upset that I didn’t get any grade zeros and they’ll cheer me up by ordering a Chinese. As long as they don’t do the most basic of Googling I’ll get away with it.
“Besides, where do good grades get you? Thousands of pounds in debt chasing a degree employers couldn’t care less about. Maybe this proves I’m not thick as shit after all?”
Browne’s father Martin said: “I owe Jack an apology. He was right, he didn’t need to revise. Not sure how he got a 7 in Art though, that’s a doss.”
