Friday, 6th December 2019

A-Level student wins first choice of average university and p*ss-easy course

AN A-Level student is celebrating getting the grades to go to a low-level university and do a course that will mean he can stay in bed most days.

Stephen Malley, 18, got one C and two Ds, winning him a not-very-prized place at Bedfordshire University in September to study Leisure and Tourism.

Malley said: “It’s fantastic to know I’ve got into somewhere not too demanding. I feel like all the hard work I didn’t do has really paid off.

“My parents have saved for the last 15 years for me to go to university but as far as I can tell they just knobbed around so why can’t I? 

“Just because education is expensive now shouldn’t take away my right to play computer games, get into sh*t bands and not wash my socks.

“Also university is basically a three-year course on planning a really nice gap year afterwards to relax from all the intensive relaxing.”

Malley’s father Iain said: “Stephen thinks we saved for his university fees so that he’ll have a bright future, but it’s actually a fund to get rid of him in a socially acceptable way.”