ROADSIDE repairmen are still unable to fix your car without making some snide comment, it has emerged.
The Institute for Studies found that over 97% of repairmen working for roadside breakdown companies could not manage to repair a vehicle without at least one condescending remark.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Typically the repairman will speak to the broken down person as if he or she is the owner of a badly undernourished pet, adopt a moralising tone and ask a lot of rhetorical questions like, ‘that plug looks a bit like a chimneysweep’s finger, doesn’t it?’ or ‘that looks corroded to me, does it look corroded to you?’.
“The stranded driver generally just has to stand there and take it – like a bitch – while making the odd murmur about having been a bit busy to get it serviced.
“Perhaps it’s because a high-visibility jacket instantly confers authority on the wearer that we accept this so meekly when in fact all the repairman actually needs to do is fix it and then fuck off.
“Perhaps for an extra £10 a year the breakdown companies could issue a ‘fix it and fuck off’ card which you could brandish the moment the words ‘oh dear’ begin to creep out of his smug, working class face.”
Motorist Stephen Malley said: “How would they like it if they had erectile dysfunction and I was the only guy in a hundred mile radius with Viagra and I wouldn’t let them have any until I’d chastised them about the state of the veins facilitating blood flow to their penis?”
AA man Bill McKay said: “Actually I do have erectile dysfunction and was also teased at school because of a misshapen belly button that looks like a teddy bear’s nose.
“It’s these things that compelled me to learn much more about cars than you will ever know and make you look like a child in front of your stranded, vulnerable wife.”