Adults wearing mittens

AN increasing number of British adults are wearing mittens.

As temperatures drop, there have been numerous sightings of fully-grown humans opting to wear sleeping bags on their hands instead of normal gloves.

Psychologist Nikki Hollis said: “Even if they do keep wearers’ hands marginally warmer, this benefit is overshadowed by the fact that they turn hands into useless woollen slabs that can’t do, hold or open anything.

“It’s almost as if the mitten wearers want other adults to do things for them because their hands are just too snuggly- fucking-wuggly.”

Hollis added: “We must therefore conclude that adults who wear mittens also own onesies and their favourite television programme is In the Night Garden.”