Advent chocolate dutifully choked down

YET another unpleasant chocolate from a £2 advent calendar has been ritually chewed and swallowed.

The chocolate, the fifth so far, was small, of poor quality and shaped like either a snowman or a Christmas cracker, though a positive identification would be impossible.

Tom Booker, from Swindon, said: “I thought it would be fun, counting down the days to Christmas, but instead the procession through December has been a grim, joyless march.

“I don’t have particularly high standards when it comes to chocolate, just a sealed packet you can remove it from without digging into it with your fingernails, but on both counts this calendar’s some distance worse than a Freddo.

“They don’t even have pictures behind the doors anymore.

“It has worked, in that I can’t wait for Christmas to come, if only so I can throw this fucking thing away.”

Booker’s girlfriend Mary said: “He’s like a big kid with that advent calendar I bought him, gobbling it down every day as fast as he can.

“Oh no, I don’t have one. I prefer nice chocolates.”

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Forth Bridge pissed

THE Forth Road Bridge has been closed after engineers discovered it was well over the safe alcohol limit, it has emerged.

The bridge will remain closed until after Hogmanay in an attempt to get all the booze out of the 8,000ft long bridge’s system.

Engineer Bill McKay said: “We’d noticed it visibly swaying, but we thought that was because of high winds.

“Turns out it’s been beginning the day with Buckfast, necking Tennent’s Super the minute the commuters are gone and onto the single malts by mid-afternoon.

“It’s 51 years old, from Glasgow, deteriorating physically and beginning to wonder if all those years helping people get to Fife were really worthwhile.

“It’d be more surprising if it wasn’t an alcoholic.”