PUTTING guests up on an inflatable mattress has been proven the most effective way of ensuring nobody stays overnight.
Experts have confirmed that airbeds, bought for £13 from a supermarket earlier that afternoon and half-pumped up that afternoon, send a clear message from hosts to guests about how welcome they truly are.
Carolyn Ryan of Leeds said: “I moved house, broke the sofa-bed, and got an air mattress in for Christmas. I haven’t had any of them overnight since.
“Whether it’s my elderly parents sleeping on basically a fat mat on the floor, my sister’s kids waking them up by using it as a trampoline, or friends who have to pump it up themselves pissed at 2am, they all hate it.
“They should market them as ‘100 per cent effective house guest prevention’. Or your money back.”
Stephen Malley, aged 32, agreed: “My old futon was just comfortable enough for people to stay for a couple of nights without needing more than three chiropractic appointments.
“Since I swapped it for an air bed, I’ve been guest-free. I love my friends and family but not like weekends.”