FICTION-BASED books, films and television programmes have been banned to avoid confusing idiots.
Following ongoing concern that morons cannot differentiate between real events and ‘fake news’, the government has banned all material featuring made-up characters and situations.
Mouth-breather Wayne Hayes said: “I recently watched a ‘fake news’ documentary called The Walking Dead which showed how America has been taken over by zombies.
“It revealed vital information like how you have to shoot them in the head. There was a woman with a sword cutting off their heads and it was very realistic.
“I only found out it was fake when I suggested to everyone at work that we build a high metal fence around the office and start burning our dead.”
He added: “Clearly media companies make up these lies to influence anti-zombie voters.”
The restrictions include a ban on stories that describe fictional scenarios, especially country and western songs which tell detailed stories of boxcar journeys.
Music fan Joanna Kramer said: “When Drake sings about meeting girls in hotel bars, often there wasn’t even a hotel, or a bar, or a girl. It’s all made up to make us feel stupid.
“There is a theme park with real dinosaurs though, my sister went there last year.”