Annoying principled friend wants you to sign yet another petition

A TIRESOME friend wants you to take two seconds to help yet another persecuted group of people and or animals.

For what must be the fourth time in recent memory, Julian Cook is urging friends to sign some kind of online petition about some undeniably desperate situation.

Emma Bradford said: “Every time I get an email from Julian or log on to Facebook, my heart sinks. He’s obsessed with helping people and animals, I don’t know what his problem is really.

“I’ll have to sign because otherwise I’ll feel like he knows I haven’t stood up for those ring-tailed lemurs. Another five seconds out of my life, Julian you big-hearted bastard.

“I’m starting to wonder whether there’s anyone or anything in the world that can just look after itself.”

Stephen Malley said: “The worst thing is that there’s never even any pay off when you do sign. They should send you an automated email saying the thing is sorted, like when you book a hotel online.

“Just a line saying ‘the whales are okay now’ in the subject heading would be fine.”


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Hard drive manufacturer sends you Valentine's email

THE manufacturer of your backup hard drive has sent you a special love-themed offer for Valentine’s Day. 

The email, with the subject line ‘We’ve got a crush on you!’ offers the chance to buy a new portable backup hard drive and get a stylish free case apparently perfect for ‘lovers on the go’. 

Customer Norman Steele said: “I had honestly never previously connected keeping a secure archive of personal data with the dizzying feeling of falling in love for the first time. Maybe it’s just me.

“But then my last girlfriend did say I took her for granted and didn’t try to make her feel special, and that is how I treat my current two-terabyte hard drive. So I guess I’m just not the romantic type.”