A GROUP of anti-Church of England protestors has taken up residence in the London Stock Exchange, it has emerged.
The protestors moved in last night, forming a makeshift tent settlement, and citing their inalienable right to take their grievances to people who’ve got very little, if anything at all, to do with the thing they’re protesting about.
Demonstration organiser Emma Bradford said: “For too long, the Church of England has lagged behind on moral issues and failed to speak out on matters of social injustice.
“And that’s why we’re taking the inexplicable step of occupying somewhere only connected to that issue by the most tenuous of links, the London Stock Exchange.
“Unless the financial bosses of the UK listen to our plea – which, admittedly, has sod-all to do with them – and radically restructure the Church of England, we will have little choice but to maintain our presence here, practicing circus skills and drinking tea from Thermoses.”
She continued: “We considered a number of locations on the basis that they were entirely inappropriate to our cause, including the London Eye, the Sea of Tranquillity, the kids’ ball pit at the Early Learning Centre and my mate Graham’s garage.
“But we eventually decided on the London Stock Exchange, for the deep emotional and spiritual connection to our cause that it almost entirely lacks.”
Trader Stephen Malley said of the protest: “The drumming is rather wearing but some of the girls are very attractive and I fully intend to ply them with champagne.”