STRICT new mortgage rules will mean applicants should not turn up to their bank or building society with a three-litre box of wine.
With lenders keen to reduce the number of loans they give to feckless booze-hounds like you, mortgage brokers are advising clients to avoid extravagant daytime drinking during the crucial interview stage.
Broker Martin Bishop said: Before the crash it was considered incredibly rude not to bring at least one bottle per person.
Because none of the questions and answers actually mattered, the person on the other side of the desk was just as keen as you were to drink a lot of wine during the day.
But now there is a new puritanism in the air, for no other reason than the fact that society almost collapsed.
A spokesman for the Society of Mortgage Lenders said: Its not really about drinking wine during the interview, its about what you do with the very small amount of money we’re going to let you keep.
So the key thing is, dont bring along a box of wine and make sure your answers are a litany of outrageous lies.
Also, we will be turning down people who say exetra instead of etcetera and fillum instead of film.