JESUS has revealed that the whole thing with his betrayal, crucifixion and death was just an elaborate April Fool prank on his disciples.
Christ secretly staged the entire scenario to trick his twelve followers with the aid of the Roman Empire, who like a laugh as much as anyone.
He said: “Got you. I fucking got you.
“Aw guys honestly you should just see your faces right now. You were so hoodwinked. Leonardo, do a picture of them quickly. Capture this moment.
“I knew if I could fool Thomas I could fool all of you. He was the key. Fake wound, Thomas! Look! Peels right off!
“And hey, how about a big hand for my co-conspirator Judas, yeah? He absolutely sold that shit! Actually, he’s quite hurt that everyone believed it so easily so maybe not.
“Anyone fancy Galilee? Loaves and fishes on me. Oh, and don’t be making out I actually died in your gospels just so you don’t look gullible.”