'Are you looking forward to the Royal weddings?' asks woman who assumes you have a melon for a brain

A WOMAN who assumes her colleague has a melon for a brain has asked her if she is looking forward to the Royal weddings.

Mary Fisher, 48, works with Nikki Hollis, 29, at an office in Swindon and after making the assumption that instead of having a mind, Hollis had a large tropical fruit in her skull, Fisher thought she would ask her about the Royal nuptials.

Fisher said: “I assumed Nikki, like me,  has the mental capacity of a balled out melon so I thought I’d ask if she was looking forward to getting the bunting out twice this year?

“I’m sure she was only joking when she stared at me blankly and asked, ‘What’s bunting?’ but I thought I’d go along with it and clarify that I was talking about the Royals.

“Then she burst out laughing and said, ‘Oh yeah, I can’t wait.’ Thinking on it, she might have been being sarcastic actually.

“But then if she was being sarcastic then maybe she isn’t looking forward to the Royal weddings at all and then maybe that means she doesn’t even have a melon for a brain either.”

Hollis added while laughing: “Yeah, the Royal Weddings, can’t wait for it mate.”

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Carnivores happy to try vegan recipes as long as main ingredient is a vegan

CARNIVORES have confirmed that they are willing to try any recipe that includes a vegan.

Meat eaters said they could even give up pigs, cows, chickens, ducks as long as they were still allowed to eat bits of vegans.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “People who eat meat tend not to care what type it is. Meanwhile, vegans want to stop the use of animals products and end the suffering caused by factory farming, which is very noble, but they’re going about it in the wrong way.

“All of these problems can be solved if we just feed vegans to the meat eaters and leave the animals out of it completely.”

Carnivore Martin Bishop said: “Once a vegan has been turned into chops, the meat eaters won’t notice anyway.  A shoulder of pork doesn’t look or taste much different from a shoulder of human, especially when covered in gravy.”

He added: “The only thorny issue is milk. I don’t want to drink milk that’s come from a vegan.”