Are you more German than Hitler?

PEOPLE across Britain are today asking themselves ‘Am I more German than Hitler?’.

You could be twins

As geneticists claimed that half of Britain has German blood, experts have devised a simple test to determine exactly how German you are.

Dr Tom Logan, head of the secret eugenics department at Reading University, said: “The fact that Michael McIntrye now seems to be the richest and most famous person in the country would indicate that most people in Britain have a profoundly deficient sense of humour.

“But that alone does not make you a German.”

Dr Logan has now devised a four-point Germanosity test:

a) Do you like big dogs?

b) Do you like Volkswagens?

c) Are you under five foot six?

d) Do you ever get annoyed about stuff?

Logan added: “If you answered yes to everything except ‘c’ then you’re more German than Hitler.

“If you answered yes to all four questions then you’re the same as Hitler, which isn’t bad.”

Emma Bradford, a sales assistant from Grantham, said: “I’ve always felt a bit German. Especially when I kicked down my neighbours’ front door and told them they all had to leave because I needed room to expand my dining-kitchen.

“Also, I can take a penalty.”

But Roy Hobbs, an electrician from Peterborough, insisted: “I would gladly believe that half of us have German blood if it wasn’t for the small matter of our inability to make something that isn’t utter fucking shit.”