Saturday, 8th May 2021

Are you writing an interesting tweet or just a desperate plea for attention?

DO you mean what you say on Twitter or are you just writing attention-seeking bollocks in a pathetic attempt to get people to notice you? Here’s how to tell.

Would you say it to a friend?

If you told your mates on a night out at the pub that you thought all school shootings were staged, they would rightly think you were mental. So maybe don’t do it online.

Would you shout it out in a public place?

You wouldn’t go into your local Morrisons and loudly tell shoppers the details of how someone broke up with you because you cry during sex. This sort of information doesn’t magically become less weird and embarrassing just because it’s on Twitter.

Could it get you sacked?

Here’s an idea: before sharing some mindless bigoted comment online thinking you’re being daring and ‘edgy’, run it past someone who works in HR. If they shake their head and go “Fucking hell, Susan”, maybe don’t tweet it.

Are you threatening to kill someone?

Usually in a wildly out-of-proportion way, like saying you’ll ‘end’ the local lollipop lady because she made you stop for 20 seconds instead of letting you drive over a gaggle of small children.

Do you sound like a massive arse?

If you have even the slightest suspicion that you do, step away from social media altogether and go and read a fucking book.