Wednesday, 5th August 2020

Main parties hit by 'f**king everything' backlash

THE two main parties have lost hundreds of seats due to a backlash against Brexit, austerity, May, Corbyn, Parliament, the economy and everything fucking else.

The council elections across England have been used by voters as a chance to voice their opposition to everything Labour and the Conservatives have done since the last time they got to call them twats via the ballot box.

Martin Bishop of Southend said: “I’m fucked off about Brexit, obviously. But I’m also fucked off about academies, NHS cuts, police numbers, the trains, the BBC and both leaders being thoroughgoing knobheads.

“It’s a shame the Lib Dems have benefited, because they’re wankers as well, but I’m hoping that both parties take this as a message not just to get on with Brexit but to get on with fucking off for good.

“When I cast my vote I wanted May to resign, Corbyn to resign, some new people who I don’t hate to take over and everything they’ve broken fixed. I hope that was clear.”

A Conservative spokesman said: “This is the problem with democratic votes. They risk us being unable to implement crap policies that only a small minority of dickheads like.”