Atheists unable to explain how evolution could make egg-laying bunny

ATHEISTS who reject religious doctrine have admitted nothing in their precious science can provide an explanation for the existence of the Easter Bunny.

Though outspoken about the lack of evidence for a Christian God, the so-called rational minds fall silent every spring when faced with the indisputable fact that a giant rabbit produces a multitude of chocolate eggs for children.

Reverend Tom Booker of St Agatha and All Angels church said: “Most of the year, I can’t step outside without a heretic berating me for spreading the word of God. Except Easter.

“Why? Because the Darwinists are tying themselves in knots trying to explain how a mammal can not only lay eggs, but delicious chocolate ones.

“Every year, after service, I sit down to my Sunday roast after service and smile knowing that the likes of Ricky Gervais and Richard Dawkins are bamboozled, Googling ‘rabbit cloacas’ in attempt to rationalise that he was a giant platypus. The fools.”

Biologist Dr Helen Archer said: “This is one area where the Christians have got us by the bollocks, I’m afraid.”

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We ask you: when should Rishi Sunak get his arse kicked at a general election?

THE prime minister has been accused of chickening out of calling a general election by Labour. When should he go to the country and lose? 

Ryan Whittaker, pizza chef: “Definitely not May, because he’s already losing the council elections then and only a sadist would want to see him suffer twice.”

Donna Sheridan, teaching assistant: “How about August? My birthday’s in August and nobody ever remembers it, so fingers crossed it could work the same for him.”

Oliver O’Connor, unemployed: “I know how he feels. I avoided the house meeting that was about me being kicked out for not paying rent and stealing from my housemates and selling their stuff for as long as possible. We’ve actually got a lot in common.”

Emma Bradford, data analyst: “What about October 25th, exactly two years after he got in? That way it’s nice and neat on his CV.”

Carolyn Ryan, risk manager: “Do they make him work his notice?”