BALDY bastards were last night told to shut up and stop being so bald about everything.
The move comes after the latest increase in hairless men being particularly bald towards people who do not look like a big, daft egg.
Nikki Hollis, 26, said she was sick of men getting all bald on her every time she and her friends pointed at their bare, baldy heads and laughed at them in the street.
She added: “Did they leave their hair on the bus? I keep mine on top of my head, that way I always know where it is. Stupid baldy bastards.
“If they like hair so much then why dont they just grow some like any normal person? Its not exactly difficult. My baby does it, and shes only six months old.
“They just want to go around being all bald, and then get baldy with us when we point out what baldy bastards they are. Slapheads.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said men who claimed they were bullied at work because of their lack of hair were just being bald for the sake of it.
He said: “Explain this to me. Soon as they start to lose it off the top they start worrying about losing the lot so what do they do? They shave it all off. How bald can you get?
“Whats wrong with keeping a few tufts? And why not dye them orange and wear big, flappy shoes so we can all have a laugh?
“Or what about a wig? The modern ones are really good. No one can tell youre wearing one. You daft, bald, wiggy bastard.”