Bastard cat refusing to do that cute thing he does

A BASTARD cat has shown up his owner by refusing to do that adorable thing he does every day.

Mary Fisher’s cat Frenchie does a thing whenever he wants his water replaced, where he miaows and it sounds like ‘drinky’.

However he is not prepared to do it in front of her new boyfriend, even though Fisher has withheld his bowl in a slightly cruel manner.

Mary Fisher said: “Do it. Do it.

“He’s going to do it. Any second now. He’s going to do it.

“It’s so cute.”

A minute later, she added: “Just frigging do it you workshy fucker.”

Fisher’s boyfriend Tom Booker said: “It appears she spends her evenings pleading with her cat.

“This does not bode well.”

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45-year-old man finally accepts that some people like rap music

A MIDDLE-AGED music fan who insisted that anyone claiming to enjoy rap music is lying has finally accepted some of them must be genuine. 

Wayne Hayes was first convinced that everyone was pretending to like Run DMC and Public Enemy to look cool when a schoolboy, and has refused to change his mind ever since.

He said: “To be fair, logic was on my side. Just listen to it.

“It being established that it couldn’t reasonably be enjoyed, I therefore assumed everyone was pretending they liked it to be edgy and different.

“I’ve maintained this belief through the 90s of Snoop Dogg, the 00s of Jay-Z and whoever the bloody hell it is now, that Kanye West probably, but I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong.

“I now accept that some people, a minority certainly, do actually enjoy some rap music, and will be retiring my ‘Rap music? Begins with a silent C!’ joke, after many years service.”

Hayes added: “They must not have heard Deep Purple. That’s the only explanation.”