ZOOLOGISTS have discovered that bears are in fact men in furry costumes, and not animals as had been previously thought.
After spotting one take its head off to enjoy a crafty fag, zoologists believe all bears are actually men with too much time on their hands arsing about in fuzzy outfits.
Bear expert Tom Booker said: “This has got to be one of the biggest cover-ups in the scientific community. Just think of all the wildlife rangers and zookeepers who’ve been keeping it quiet all these years.
“The evidence has been hiding in plain sight the entire time. Look at Winnie the Pooh, Yogi Bear, even that bastard Paddington. They’ve all clearly been created by people who were in on the secret and taking the piss. I feel like such a fool.
“I’ve got so many questions for the men who do this. How did it all begin? Where do you get the outfits from? How on earth do the f**kers who dress up as polar bears not freeze to death? Although in fairness a furry costume probably keeps them toasty.”
Sales assistant Donna Sheridan said: “I’ve always suspected my husband was up to something odd on his frequent work trips to Yellowstone National Park. I just hope he never finds out horses are actually us women galloping around on all fours.”
